Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe

zombie puberty

zombie puberty (Photo credit: zenobia_joy)

Welcome to a new feature on our blog, Wednesday’s Child. Traditionally, the Wednesday’s child designation has been used for a foster child in care of the state hoping for a more permanent placement.  Obviously we can’t foster out our zombie children as most families don’t have the resources to cope with the challenging behaviors and emotional needs of these metabolically challenged children. What we can do, though, much like Feed the Children and other humanitarian organizations, is introduce you to the children we serve and ask you to find it in your heart to support them.

Our inaugural Wednesday’s Child is a bright, inquisitive twelve year old named Jacob who was one of the first residents in our program.

Jacob was the eldest of three children who lived with his mom and dad in a suburb outside of Philadelphia. One day, while his siblings napped, Jacob decided to take a book outside and read in the backyard.  Unfortunately, he was accosted by a stray zombie that day and infected. By the time his mother heard his cries, the damage was done. He’d been bit.
Janet, his mother, spent two weeks attempting to divide her time and energy managing Jacob’s new behaviors while  protecting her other children from his overwhelming desire to eat them. In desperation, she purchased a large outdoor dog kennel to house him. Luckily,  while trying to corral Jacob into it,  a neighbor saw Janet and referred her to our facility.
Janet arrived skeptical, but like most of our visitors, she acknowledged Jacob’s needs were difficult to meet. She left him with us for the weekend and went home to her other two children. For the first time in two weeks she was able to enjoy quality time with her children and sleep without worrying Jacob would infect his brothers. When she returned on Monday, she was overjoyed to find that Jacob was well-fed and well-managed. She turned his care over to us.
 As part of Yellow Group, Jacob enjoys carrying books and shuffling outside during his free time. He interacts appropriately with the others in the Yellow Group, enjoys watching Sponge Bob Square Pants, playing Whack-A-Mole, and playing in the Bouncy House. With the proper guidance and restrictions Jacob is safe and thriving, as are his siblings.  Janet and her husband visit monthly and have been two of our biggest supporters, hosting informational sessions in the Philadelphia region to educate parents about our services.
Like any other illness or condition, the zombie transformation is not a death sentence, but an overall family adjustment. Most parents automatically assume keeping their child zombie home is the right thing to do, but contained, supervised living is fast becoming a preferred alternative for educated parents and guardians of zombie children. Numerous tragedies have happened and will continue to occur when zombie children are not handled by trained professionals.
The care and management of zombie children is a full-time job. Trust your loved ones to the staff at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization. We care, we’re kind, and we’ll keep all of your children safe.
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