An Open Letter Concerning the Rights of Zombie Children


Here at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization we pride ourselves on treating the orphaned zombie children in our care with the utmost respect, always remembering that though they may be infected with the zombie virus, they are still children. Perhaps they no longer have a loving family, either because they were killed in the zombie cleansing slaughter of 2010 or because the child, unable to resist the lure of their disease, killed them. If they do have a family, the family might have found the burdens of zombie child caregiving to be too great or they worried about the possibility of their uninfected children becoming victims of this dread disease. No matter what the situation, our mission is to provide a safe, loving haven where they can grow and develop within the bounds of their disease. Sort of like Paul Newman‘s Hole in the Wall Camp for children with cancer, without Paul Newman or cancer.


For the most part, we stay out of the political fray and leave it to our Washington lobbyists to make our wishes heard. Today, though, we have become aware of a most gruesome mutilation that some our advocating to use on zombies – full mouth tooth extraction.


US Navy 080807-N-5086M-010 Thien-Kim Le, a Uni...

US Navy 080807-N-5086M-010 Thien-Kim Le, a University of California at San Diego (UCSD) student representing the UCSD Pre-Dental Society, assists Capt. Alex Smith, a U.S. Army dentist from New York, during a tooth extraction (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The theory behind this disfiguring surgery is that without teeth, zombies can’t bite. Without the ability to break skin, the infectious saliva of the infected can’t transmit the disease. No teeth equals no more zombies.


But, at what cost?


If we consider zombies to be humans with rights, full mouth tooth removal might be considered in the same light as genital mutilation or circumcision: medical procedures that have no medical justification and only serve to fulfill religious or cultural traditions. If we consider zombies to be animals, full mouth tooth removal might be akin to cat or dog declawing: medical procedures that have no medical justification and only serve to make a cat or dog less likely to destroy furniture. In a post on The Ethical Veterinarian, he relates people’s misconceptions about declawing as: ” In terms of analogy, they thought declawing was to nail trims what waxing is to shaving. No, not quite…it’s more like cutting off your legs so you don’t have to worry about waxing or shaving. ”


When we know there are other effective, non maiming methods to keep zombies from biting people, do we need to use full mouth tooth removal?


Jason's original mask was molded from a Detroi...

Jason’s original mask was molded from a Detroit Red Wings goalie mask, and would become a staple for the character for the rest of the series. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Hockey masks are inexpensive, come in a variety of sizes, and can be removed for comfort.



Clean Kiss

Clean Kiss (Photo credit: gimme a pabst) Physical barrier to prevent biting.









There are medical indications for full mouth dental extractions, extensive tooth decay and severe periodontal disease are two, but this proposal to remove all of the teeth from the mouths of zombie children is an invasive violation of their rights. If we allow this to happen, it puts us on a slippery slope to remove the teeth of biting dogs, seniors, and even toddlers. This should not be allowed to happen.


Tooth! (Photo credit: Jacob Johan)

The Zombie Emergency Relief Organization requests that those of you willing to take a stand for the children please like this post as well as our Facebook page and help us send a message to Washington that this should not be allowed to happen.

LIKE this post and our Facebook page if you agree full mouth tooth removal should NOT be used on zombie children. SHARE this post to spread the word.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s