“Keep Calm and Avoid the Undead,” the English government warns in a new video explaining the aftermath of an event they call “The Rising.” This event has resulted in a zombie infestation in parts of England. Much as the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization would like to help our neighbors across the pond, the logistics of moving zombie children via boat or airplane across the Atlantic Ocean is more than our finances and current infrastructure can support.
After numerous brainstorming sessions, we’ve committed to sending five of our most experienced zombie child wranglers to England to aid in the capture and rehabilitation of the English zombie children. We’ve assurances from the highest levels of the British government that they, too, our committed to preventing the slaughter of innocent zombie children and they have arranged a secure facility to house them.
England’s quick response to the Rising, complete with television and print ads supplemented by phone calls, is in stark contrast to America‘s response when faced with the Great Infection. Unfortunately, our country first ignored the problem, then attempted to cover it up by indiscriminately killing all of the infected. By going public at the outset, England will be able to stop a secondary wave of infection and save countless lives. We salute their bold, public strategy.
There are those cynical few who believe the protection of English zombie children is only a temporary move, designed to purge the country of cow brains and, possibly, horse meat that was mislabeled and fed to humans. In truth, England is taking the lessons learned from their unfortunate brush with mad cow disease and trying a different tack. England’s initial response to mad cow disease was to deny the problem and downplay the potential cost to human life. This strategy led to continued exposure and deaths. Since then, their government has more readily responded to scientific advice and exchanged secrecy for transparency at the first hint of a problem involving public health. All of these attributes are clearly displayed in the government’s new video.
Other countries will be well advised to watch England’s response and, in case of a similar event in their country, be prepared to follow England’s lead.
As always, we ask you to remember that we feed the zombie kids so you won’t have to. We look forward to doing it in two countries.
Zombie Emergency Relief Organization