Contact: Zombie Emergency Relief Organization at firstname.lastname@example.org
http://feedthezombiechildren.org/ FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
NEW HAMPSHIRE HOUSE REP ANNOUNCES SUPPORT OF ZOMBIE EMERGENCY RELIEF ORGANIZATION
Concord, New Hampshire, 3/18/2012
New Hampshire House of Representative member, Haywood Jablome (Dem), announced today he will sponsor a bill to provide Health and Human Service Funding for the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization. This comes on the heels of Haywood’s unprecedented revelation that his thirteen year old son, Derek, is a zombie.
At an emotional press conference, with son Derek at his side, Haywood poured out his family‘s heartbreak. Derek, a short-statured middle school student, had been taking human growth hormone treatments (HGH) prescribed by a local physician. After the mini zombapocalypse the doctor advised stopping the shots due to the danger of infection with the zombie virus. For almost three years, Derek remained the smallest child in his class and suffered the daily humiliation and disappointment of being shorter than average. His family tried to provide positive experiences, such as enrolling him in a young jockey program, but Derek clung to his dream of making the middle school B basketball team. When Cratchit Pharmaceuticals reopened, under new management and strict FDA oversight, Derek begged to restart his HGH treatments. Haywood, and his wife Priscilla, grudgingly agreed.
Unfortunately, contaminated HGH product remained on the shelves at the local pharmacy and Derek’s first injection led to zombie virus infection.
In addition to a bill to provide state funding to our organization, Representative Haywood is also sponsoring “Derek’s Bill,” which will provide resources for the New Hampshire State Board of Pharmacy to inspect all N.H. pharmacies and remove contaminated HGH products.
The Zombie Emergency Relief Organization lauds Representative Haywood and his wife for going public with this news. Far too many parents of zombie children are embarrassed and ashamed of their child’s condition. Keeping the disease secret stigmatizes the infected and blocks efforts to find funding for research into a cure. Representative Haywood’s willingness to share his family’s pain will serve as a catalyst for other parents who are hiding their zombie children in closets, basements, and outbuildings. We can’t find a cure if we don’t acknowledge the problem.
A march on the State House, led by Representative Jablome, is planned for mid May.