There is something to be said for overnight positions that allow sleeping on duty. Not only is it cool to be paid to sleep, but a sleeping employee doesn’t devise new and inventive methods to stay awake through the night. Unfortunately, the staff members at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization have to stay awake all night as our zombies don’t sleep. Last night they had a particularly hard time staying awake.
With all of the zombie children calmly resting for the night, the overnight shift decided to play a little April Fool’s Day prank on the day shift.
The day shift arrived to find this in the front hall:
Which triggered them to open this:
And to take several deep, cleansing breaths. Our organization’s emergency zombie outbreak plan clearly states, “In case of outbreak, remain calm and breathe slowly until your pulse drops below 100 beats per minute.” Which may have worked, until they saw this lying unattended, and unattached to a person, in the hallway.
At this point the day staff may have felt like running out the front door and locking it behind them, but their professionalism kept them on-site. Part of our zombie emergency response is the concept that we leave no human behind to be zombified. In spite of wobbly legs and racing hearts, the day shift wasn’t going to leave until they’d found and accounted for each of their night shift cohorts.
We can only imagine their terror as they prowled the halls, weapons at the ready, and entered the main living areas of the facility. More bloody handprints, assorted body parts, and overturned furniture greeted them. A loud moaning from the staff kitchen was punctuated by the sound of slurping.
There are things we become accustomed to in our profession. The shuffling of feet on tiles. The tuneless moans that echo off undecorated walls. The moist wetness of lip smacking. No one needed to open the door to know that behind it someone’s entrails were being eaten. But open the door they did.
To find the night shift, safe and unzombified, laughing their butts off. New zombie child arrivals on the overnight shift had provided the bloody handprints and the surgeon on call had provided several cadaver limbs to set the stage.
The night shift received an A+ for ingenuity and realism, and the day shift fulfilled this quarter’s emergency drill. The incident ended with the knowledge that next April Fool’s, the night shift is in for a little surprise.