Since our humanitarian gesture to Canada last week, the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization’s phone and fax lines have been ringing off the hook. Thousands of Americans have called to voice their agreement with our decision to offer a home for Canada’s unwanted zombie children. A smaller, yet very vocal group of Canadian’s have expressed their appreciation for this opportunity. Along with this deluge of good wishes, we’ve also received some lovely gifts and ideas from Canadian citizens to help transition the first Canadian zombie child into our facility.
In the spirit of learning more about Canada, our staff members have prepared classic Canadian dishes, such as poutine, a combination of french fries, gravy and cheese curds, and tourtiere, a delectable meat pie composed of pork, veal, chuck, potatoes and seasonings. Yummy.
Most of all, they’re excitedly awaiting the arrival of our first Canadian zombie child! We received word yesterday that a child had been found wandering at the Oratory of Saint Joseph in Montreal. At first, the child was believed to be hypothermic from spending the chilly overnight hours without warm clothing. It wasn’t until he was transported to a local hospital that the doctors realized he was pulseless and in a state of decomposition. Mindful of the recent furor, the hospital contacted the Public Health Agency to report their findings. The Minister of Public Health then contacted our agency to check that our offer of sanctuary was sincere and work out the logistics.
As of this evening, we have made transportation arrangements and anticipate a border crossing in the wee hours of the morning. Barring bad weather or diplomatic conflict, the first Canadian zombie child should be here by 9 a.m. tomorrow. We will be spotlighting our Canadian import next week in our Wednesday’s Child post.
In the meantime, remember we feed the zombie children so you won’t have to, and now we do it in two languages.
Zombie Emergency Relief Organization
- Canada, We Stand On Guard for You (And Your Orphaned Zombie Children) (feedthezombiechildren.org)