Wednesday’s Child: Madison

Photograph of a toddler holding a mop with a b...

Photograph of a toddler holding a mop with a bucket (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every Wednesday we shine the spotlight on one of our zombie kids in an effort to cut through the negative stereotypes that abound regarding zombification. Madison, a toddler, has been a resident here since our earliest days. Much of her story remains unknown to us as we woke up one morning to find her, strapped in a shopping cart seat, on our doorstep. She was loved. We know that because her clothes were clean, her hair adorned with a big pink bow, and a laminated name tag hung from her shirt proclaiming, “Hi, I’m Madison.”

Whether it was her young age or our suspicion that she was never put out to fend for herself as a zombie, Madison was non-aggressive and eager to please from the first day. She would sit quietly in her high chair during feedings, eyes wide open and interested in the meal, but never lunging at the food or noisily clamoring for it. Her table manners were an inspiration as, early in our existence, we weren’t entirely sure of the capabilities of these children to exhibit self-control or good table manners.  She became the standard by which we measured the progress of our other children. Without her and her outgoing, playful attitude we may have never realized the freedom we could provide these children in a secure environment.
Over the Christmas holidays,  Madison became fixated on our janitorial staff’s’ cleaning carts. She started to follow the housekeepers and mimic their behavior. Armed with an imaginary dust rag or mini mop, she’d cheerfully play at wiping down counters, cleaning floors, and washing windows. After a few days, the housekeepers cut down a mop for her and gave her a small carry-all filled with sponges and rags.  Each morning they would wheel in their cleaning carts and present Madison with her supplies. Her squeals of glee filled the common area and, as the days went on, they provided her with cans of furniture polish and bottles of window cleaner. Amazingly enough, she used each of these gifts appropriately, never using the furniture polish on the windows or the window cleaner on the wood. For Christmas, the housekeeping staff chipped in and purchased Madison a cleaning outfit like theirs. Her smile when she opened that present warmed the room. While the other children opened their presents and filled up on our seasonal brain treats, Madison slipped into her new uniform and cleaned up after them. At the end of the day, despite the Holiday festivities, our common area was spotless. Madison’s decision to slip two cleaning pads over her shoes earned her a new nickname, our little Roomba.


Roomba (Photo credit: pboyd04)

The recent loss of a housekeeper due to retirement left us wondering how we would fill the gap as many people are too fearful to work with our zombie child population.  Surprisingly the housekeeping staff asked that we not replace their missing member, they were content to keep Madison on as part of the team.  The money we’ve saved from this small change freed up the funds to add ten additional beds to our facility.  Madison deserves the credit for allowing us to expand and give more zombie children a normal childhood.

Remember, we feed the zombie children so you don’t have to.

Zombie Emergency Relief Organization

Top Five Christmas Gifts for the Zombie Child

Here at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization we are feverishly preparing for the Christmas holiday. Our tree is up,




christmas tree at rockefeller center

christmas tree at rockefeller center (Photo credit: riNux) Our tree looks remarkably like this one!


The compound is decorated with care,




Festival of Lights (8)

Festival of Lights (8) (Photo credit: bulldog008) The children happily shuffle around the lights this time of year.





The meal preparations are underway,




cow brain

cow brain (Photo credit: Adi Setiawan) in a delicate pumpkin sauce for the holidays.



And we’re receiving a steady delivery of presents from friends and family members. If you have a zombie child to shop for this year, here’s our Top Five list of presents for zombie kids.


1. Remote control fire truck or police car. Zombie kids respond to light and sound, trucks and cars with sirens and flashing lights will keep them occupied for hours while our staff use the remote control to keep the vehicles moving.


FDMB Fire Station/ Police Sub-Station Diorama

FDMB Fire Station/ Police Sub-Station Diorama (Photo credit: Phil’s 1stPix)

2. Socker Boppers. Yes, we know that encouraging zombie kids in activities such as hand to hand combat or shooting is a dangerous activity. These socker boppers, though, are perfect for activities like catch the bunny, in which we set a live bunny loose and the kids chase it. The socker boppers guarantee that even if they get close to the rabbit, they can’t pick it up. The children burn off energy and compete with one another to be the first to touch the bunny.

socker boppers


3. Animal Popper. The look of joy and surprise on a zombie child’s face when he or she squeezes the toy and a ball pops high into the air is priceless. Our children can spend several hours launching the balls and retrieving them.

Always a big hit!

Always a big hit!

4. Rocking horses. Plush rocking horses provide an excellent diversion for zombie children who wish to leave the confines of the compound. They are lulled by the action of the rocking horse and plush horses are easily fixed if the child becomes overexuberant or starts to bite.

rocking horse

5. Hide and Seek Tunnel. Every parent has a memory of playing peek a boo with their child and the broad grins and delicate giggles that accompanied the game. Our zombie kids get the same joy out of hide and seek tunnels, burrowing inside to hide, and then popping out to surprise staff members and other kids.

hide and seek tunnelArmed with our suggestions, you can delight any zombie child on your list this season.

We hope to see you at our Christmas Eve party and remember, we feed the zombie children so you don’t have to. Best wishes from everyone at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization.




The Power of Love and Zombies

Everyone here at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization is thrilled at the movie, Warm Bodies, that will be released February 2013.

This is no ordinary zombie movie. These are zombies with feelings, the ability to learn and the restraint to curtail their instinct to eat anything that is human and moves. It’s as if the author spent time at our haven and wrote about our orphaned zombie children.

The Christmas season reminds us to hope, dream and keep alive our childlike wonder. In many ways, that is also what we ask of people who wish to be involved with our organization. You must be flexible enough to hope for a medical treatment for zombification. You need to be able to dream of a day we can all live together without the need for muzzles, hobbles, and sturdy wire fences. Most of all, you have to accept that zombies are people, too, even though they don’t have a pulse, are in a state of decomposition, and preferentially eat raw meat.  When you suspend your disbelief at Christmas time concerning Santa, miracles, and the goodness of humanity, turn that same all-loving, all-accepting attitude to the zombie children who live among us. Our hope is that this movie will capture the full intensity and depth of the zombie experience.

In the meantime,  if you have any novels, short stories, or short films you’d like us to review on the site, send details to