N.H. State Rep Comes Out in Support of Zombie Children

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Contact: Zombie Emergency Relief Organization at feedthezombiechildren@gmail.com

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NEW HAMPSHIRE HOUSE REP ANNOUNCES SUPPORT OF ZOMBIE EMERGENCY RELIEF ORGANIZATION

Concord, New Hampshire, 3/18/2012

New Hampshire House of Representative member, Haywood Jablome (Dem), announced today he will sponsor a bill to provide Health and Human Service Funding for the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization. This comes on the heels of Haywood’s unprecedented revelation that his thirteen year old son, Derek, is a zombie.

At an emotional press conference, with son Derek at his side, Haywood poured out his family‘s heartbreak. Derek, a short-statured middle school student, had been taking human growth hormone treatments (HGH) prescribed by a local physician. After the mini zombapocalypse the doctor advised stopping the shots due to the danger of infection with the zombie virus. For almost three years, Derek remained the smallest child in his class and suffered the daily humiliation and disappointment of being shorter than average. His family tried to provide positive experiences, such as enrolling him in a young jockey program, but Derek clung to his dream of making the middle school B basketball team. When Cratchit Pharmaceuticals reopened, under new management and strict FDA oversight, Derek begged to restart his HGH treatments. Haywood, and his wife Priscilla, grudgingly agreed.

Unfortunately, contaminated HGH product remained on the shelves at the local pharmacy and Derek’s first injection led to zombie virus infection.

In addition to a bill to provide state funding to our organization, Representative Haywood is also sponsoring “Derek’s Bill,” which will provide resources for the New Hampshire State Board of Pharmacy to inspect all N.H. pharmacies and remove contaminated HGH products.

The Zombie Emergency Relief Organization lauds Representative Haywood and his wife for going public with this news. Far too many parents of zombie children are embarrassed and ashamed of their child’s condition. Keeping the disease secret stigmatizes the infected and blocks efforts to find funding for research into a cure. Representative Haywood’s willingness to share his family’s pain will serve as a catalyst for other parents who are hiding their zombie children in closets, basements, and outbuildings. We can’t find a cure if we don’t acknowledge the problem.

A march on the State House, led by Representative Jablome, is planned for mid May.

Friday Book Review: Zombie Day Care

zombie day care

Zombie Day Care by Craig Halloran packs a huge story into a small novel. Halloran creates a post apocalyptic zombieland where a college geek named Nate  saves the world by feeding his zombie girlfriend Fountain Dew and discovering its sedative properties.  After he posts a Youtube video of the phenomenon, people start managing zombies with Fountain Dew instead of killing them. Though he is hailed as the savior of humanity, the politics of zombies of dominate world conversation. Backed by the World Humanitarian Society (W.H.S.), Nate campaigns to find a cure for zombification, even as he begins to question the motives of his sponsor.
His former college roommate, Henry, is a scientist working for the W.H.S. at The Facility, a zombie day care/laboratory.  Henry deals professionally with the reality of caring for zombie children even though he thinks all zombies should be killed. His stepfather doesn’t agree, but that’s probably because his wife, Henry’s mother, is a zombie.

The characters in this fast paced novel are interesting and likable. It pulls the reader in and asks the question, what sacrifices would you make for your loved ones? Zombie Day Care shows the consequences of those actions.

Wednesday’s Child: Lonely No More

Welcome to Wednesday’s Child where we feature the story of one zombie kid and ask our visitors to look beyond the effects of zombification and see the child within.
zombie child

zombie child (Photo credit: skamama)

Nine year old Jaime was brought to the ranch this spring after state troopers found her in the woods of North Dakota. This adorable little girl was the only child in a herd of twenty-nine zombies targeting rural cattle farms.  When the state troopers first corralled the cow-killing zombies, their mission was extermination. After the first volley of bullets, a small form walked out of the milling mob and approached the fence. The hardened state troopers couldn’t find it within themselves to kill a small child in cold blood, even if she was a zombie, so they called us.
Jamie is unusual in that we don’t know her real name or where she came from.  When she was captured her clothes bore no markings and she didn’t register on any databases of missing children.  It’s theorized that Jamie was injured in the first wave of zombie attacks, meaning her family was overrun and either zombified or killed.  This makes the job of identifying her much harder.  Many of our charges are victims of the second wave of attacks, isolated incidents that only harmed the child and left the rest of the family intact. These children have names and a history, Jamie has none. No one knows how long Jamie ran with the roving group of zombies she was captured with or how far away from home she wandered.  We continue to search for her past and hope someday to connect her with any surviving family members.
Prior to her arrival at the haven, Jamie’s only zombie interaction was with adults. As the only child in a large zombie pack, she would have had to rely on the scraps left by adults. Her short legs and lack of power meant she would always be on the edges of group feedings, perhaps able to snatch out a morsel, but never able to obtain enough food to grow strong.  At her first weight-in we were shocked to see her weight was 32 pounds.  Our first priority was ensuring she ate well and gained weight.
Her early struggles to fit into the zombie haven centered around her recent history of constant hunger and deprivation. She stole food from the others, physically threatened those that approached what she considered “her” food, and tended to isolate herself rather than play with the other children. After several weeks of progressive feeding and ensuring she had ready access to food, she started to relax and be less aggressive with the other z kids.
It took several more months for Jamie to make the transition from a closely watched, restrained environment to a more independent lifestyle. Jaime is now on the Yellow Team and enjoys chasing and being chased by her peers during free time outside. With a safe community of children like her, Jaime has become a docile, content child again.
The miracle of working at the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization is watching the process as primitive, violent children turn into trusting and trusted members of our community.
If you recognize Jamie, please email us at feed thezombiechildren@gmail.com. We can’t reverse her zombification, but we’d like to give her back her name.

Wednesday’s Child: A Twin No More

Twin Girls on Tricycles 1940

Twin Girls on Tricycles 1940 (Photo credit: born1945).

Twins can be scary. Two identical beings doing something totally harmless is changed with the addition of a little scary music into something terrifying. If twins in movies aren’t evil, there’s a good possibility it is a good twin-bad twin scenario, usually culminating in the bad twin attempting to kill his or her  sibling.  But what happens when you have two good twins, and one becomes a zombie?

Parents of twins Bethany and Julie never imagined the turn their life would take when the girls went into the family‘s fields to play one afternoon and Bethany was attacked by an adult zombie. Alerted by Julie’s screams of terror, they raced outside.  By the time they reached the girls, they could only save one.

As hard as it was for them to understand the random attack that turned one daughter into a zombie, it was harder to explain to her twin what the transformation meant to the sibling relationship. At first they attempted to care for Bethany at home. A large family farm, isolation from neighbors, and sturdy outbuildings all contributed to their belief that they could keep both daughters at home.  They soon learned that keeping a zombie child requires more than thick doors and sturdy locks.

With no stimulation or companionship, twin Bethany spent her waking hours trudging around the barn in a circle.  She kept her eyes on the floor, moaned lowly, and, on the rare occasions she had visitors, either ignored them or attempted to bite them. The bright, lively girl she’d once been turned into a shambling, dejected, defeated zombie.

Twin Julie missed her sister. The loss of her best and constant friend led to a fascination with the zombie lifestyle and risk taking behavior she hoped would turn her into a zombie, too. Her parents watched as Julie stopped eating anything except raw hamburger, refused to converse, only communicated via moans, and adopted a shuffling, ataxic gait. Her zombie impersonation was so accurate that an overzealous zombie vigilante took a shot at her one night. When the vigilante told her parents how he had almost killed her, they knew it was time to act.

Luckily the school guidance counselor was aware of the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization and quickly contacted our facility. We welcomed the entire family to our haven for an introduction to our services.  Julie was fascinated by the way our zombie kids interacted and played with others.  She watched as Bethany was introduced to other z kids and discovered that Bethany did communicate, just not like before.  Maybe it was the twin connection, but Julie quickly learned how to mimic the zombie moans and, to everyone’s surprise, by the end of their weekend stay Bethany and Julie were spending hours in moaning conversation with one another once more.

After an intensive weekend, the family returned to their farm and Bethany settled in to stay with us. Twice weekly Skype visits keep the family in touch, and Julie no longer desires to be a zombie kid. She’s found a way to keep the twin connection alive.

If you’re struggling with a similar situation, or know someone who is, shoot us an email at feedthezombiechildren@gmail.com and receive information about upcoming events. We’re here to help.

Remember, we feed the zombie children so you won’t have to.

Zombie Playground

Zombie Playground (Photo credit: Jason Hutchens)