While reading the news last week we realized that, in spite of our commitment to helping orphaned zombie children, we’d not taken into account our proximity to Canada and formally offered haven for Canadian zombie children. This misstep on our part almost escalated into an international incident when a Canadian Member of Parliament asked whether Canada was working with the United States to develop an international zombie strategy. Disappointingly, the Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs answered, “Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies, ever!”
Well, we’d like to officially offer our child-sized zombie haven services to Canada.
Since our sanctuary is in New England and an easy two-hour jaunt to the Canadian border, it only seems neighborly to take in Canada’s orphaned zombies if they will not. As the Statue of Liberty proclaims:
By offering our services to Canada, free of charge, we honor not only our values as a country, but our values as an organization. Every child deserves a safe, caring, compassionate home where they are loved and valued, zombie or not. No zombie child should be left to fend for themselves or to be hunted like an animal. We will take Canada’s unwanted zombie kids in gratitude for all Canada has given to us.
Their view of Niagara Falls.
Their well kept and abundant farmlands. Their clean and easy to navigate subway system.
Their friendly, hard-working people. Donald Sutherland, Alanis Morrisette, William Shatner, Celine Dion, Michael Buble, Avril Lavigne, and Justin Bieber are just a few of the talented Canadians that have brightened and enlightened the lives of United States citizens.
Their Canadian Bacon, both the movie starring John Candy and Alan Alda and the breakfast meat recommended by the South Beach Diet, serves as either an evening of laughter or a well-balanced breakfast.
These are only a few of the things we love about Canada and we’re happy to open our safe haven for zombie children to our Northern neighbors in partial repayment of all they do for the United States. We are in the process of making an official notification to the Canadian Parliament and Prime Minister to reassure them that we have Canada’s back in this matter. To steal a line from the Canadian national anthem, O Canada, the Zombie Emergency Relief Organization stands on guard for thee. It’s only fair.
The Zombie Emergency Relief Organization – We feed the zombies so you don’t have to.
- Canadian Parliament Adorably Debates Zombie Apocalypse (buzzfeed.com)
- Canadian parliament debates zombie apocalypse – video (theweek.co.uk)
- Zombie apocalypse: Canadian Parliament shows why Canada is awesome (Video) (examiner.com)
- Zombie apocalypse takes center stage in Canadian Parliament [VIDEO] (upi.com)
- Canadian Parliament: ‘Canada Will Never Become a Safe Haven for Zombies’ (gawker.com)
- Canadian Parliament Legitimately Discusses Zombie Apocalypse (mashable.com)